Before being selected to be a coach in FCCJC, a prospect is interviewed by the area director. The recommended questions, and my tongue-in-cheek answers below:
Q: Why do you want to volunteer to coach?
A: Volunteer? I'm not paid??
Q: How much of your time can you afford to give to coaching?
A: Well, as long as it doesn't interfere with KU football. Or soccer. Or business trips. Or family time. Or weekends at the lake. I'm good with that.
Q: What is your coaching philosophy?
A: Know the minimum playing-time requirements.
Q: What is your coaching style?
A: If the kids don't get it, yell louder.
Q: What do you want the kids to gain from having you as their coach?
A: 20 pounds each, fear of failure, and coach-induced asthma
Q: What do want to gain personally from the coaching experience?
A: A trophy (wife).
Q: Do you have any experience working with groups of children?
A: Just in Internet chat rooms. Why? Is something wrong with that?
Q: What are your disciplinary techniques?
A: A rolled up newspaper works sometimes. Other times I grab kids by the handlebar - I mean face mask - and I really get their attention.
Q: What do you consider your strengths?
A: I'm a great referee from the sideline - never miss a call.
Q: What do you consider your weaknesses?
A: You're kidding, right?
Q: Are you familiar with the rules of the sport?
A: Here's my golden rule #1: It ain't cheatin' if you don't get caught
Q: Are you familiar with how to teach the basic fundamentals of the sport?
A: Yes. I gather them together at the very first practice, and I look them each right in the eye, and I say "MEN - we've got one job here, and one job only, that working together we WILL accomplish - make ME look good."
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